We’re heading into awards season for the film industry, when fabulously beautiful people gather to pat themselves on the back for being so gosh-darn wonderful. In the spirit of the time — and because who doesn’t love awards? — herewith a few more trophies.
The “Failing Upward” award goes to prime minister Justin Trudeau, who parlayed his family name, a certain amount of superficial charm, and not a little desperation on the part of the federal Liberal party into becoming the PM. It goes to show that the long tradition of not-noticeably-talented white men being promoted far above their abilities is alive and well.
The "Smartest Man in the Room (and Doesn’t He Know It)” award goes to federal Conservative leader Pierre Poilievre, who has seemingly never met anyone he can’t find some reason to insult or denigrate. If your idea of a leader is an attack dog who thinks our country is a dystopian hellscape where everything is broken (and only he can fix it), Pierre’s your guy.
The “How Did a Nice Guy Like Me End Up in a Place Like This?” award goes to federal NDP leader Jagmeet Singh. To say he has been a complete nonentity on the Canadian political scene would be an understatement. Jack Layton is spinning in his grave.
The “Lesson Learned (Maybe)” award goes to B.C. premier David Eby, who has pledged that he really, truly, cross his heart and hope to die will look at why his party tanked in rural B.C. in the recent election and Learn Some Lessons from it. He loves rural B.C. Honest. It’s just that sometimes he has trouble showing it. But he’ll change. Pinkie promise.
The “Now They Have to Take Me Seriously” award goes to B.C. Conservative leader John Rustad, the living embodiment of the idea that revenge is a dish best eaten cold. It remains to be seen if he can control his caucus and be something more than the dog who finally catches the car and then doesn’t know what to do with it.
The “Fool Me Twice, Shame on Me” award goes to the B.C. Green party, which once more finds itself propping up the B.C. NDP party, because that worked out so well for the Greens the last time they did it. If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again is a great motto; doing the exact same thing again but hoping for a different result, not so much.
The “Dumbest Man in the Room (and Doesn’t Know It)” award goes to Donald Trump, a vast sea of ignorance and stupidity surrounded by a swamp of incuriosity who is only interested in himself. Past U.S. presidents have been associated with phrases such as “I cannot tell a lie’ (Lincoln), “The buck stops here” (Truman), and “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself” (Franklin D. Roosevelt). Trump’s defining phrase would be “What’s in it for me?”
The ”Well Past His Sell-By Date” award goes to current U.S. president Joe Biden. Remember him? Remember when he said, after his election in 2020, that he would be a one-term caretaker president and clear the way for his party to choose a new leader well in time for 2024? Joe apparently didn’t remember that either, along with a lot of other things, which is a big reason why America now finds itself where it is.
The "You Get the Government You Deserve” award goes to the many, many people who failed to cast a vote in any election in which they were eligible to fill out a ballot. It’s a cliché to say that people fought and died for the right of the rest of us to vote, but clichés are a thing because they’re true. I’m not saying that if you didn’t vote, you don’t have the right to complain, but . . . actually, yes, that is what I’m saying. Accept this award, and vow to do better next time you have the chance.
