One of the most important lessons we can share with our children is that making mistakes is not only unavoidable but also essential for personal growth. Instead of being afraid of failure, kids should learn to view mistakes as valuable chances to build resilience, confidence, and critical thinking skills.
Today's children are often protected from experiencing failure, and this can sometimes be harmful. Researchers identified a trend they termed "failure deprivation." They found that students who had rarely encountered setbacks faced emotional struggles when dealing with simple challenges for the first time in the “real world.” These students often found themselves struggling emotionally when competing or vying for top marks alongside equally talented peers.
As a result, many young people entering college and the workforce lack the emotional intelligence and resilience that comes from overcoming challenges. Without a healthy relationship with failure, they may view every mistake as a threat instead of a learning opportunity. Consequently, even minor mistakes can feel paralyzing to them.
As parents, we often wish to protect our children from the pain of failure, perhaps because we remember our own discomfort and shame about making mistakes. But shielding children from these experiences can unintentionally convey that they are not capable of overcoming life’s unwelcoming situations on their own. When we constantly jump in to "fix" things for them or keep attempting to control end results, we may inadvertently send the wrong message: that we do not trust their ability to cope with life’s setbacks.
It is essential for them to face and process the emotions of pain and struggle. Though it is sometimes difficult for us to witness, supporting and encouraging from a distance is crucial for their growth and teaches them that they are capable and resilient. Acknowledge the pain of how much this mistake hurts, and — even more importantly — recognize them working hard, showing strength and courage as they work through it. This approach helps children see their mistakes as part of the learning process rather than something shameful to avoid at all costs.
Parents can model resilience and a growth mindset by openly discussing their challenges instead of portraying perfection. Sharing stories of failure normalizes it and shows that success often requires perseverance. Creating a family environment that encourages conversations about mistakes is essential. Dinnertime offers a fantastic opportunity for these discussions, where parents can ask questions like “What were your highs and lows today?”
By sharing their own experiences first, parents promote openness and vulnerability, encouraging children to express themselves. Instead of immediately solving problems, parents should empathize with simple responses, validating their children’s emotions and fostering emotional resilience.
Within this safe space to air their errors, parents equip their children with the courage to face life’s unwelcome upsets and learn that they are capable and able to grow and learn from setbacks. They develop a readiness to take risks, and an understanding that making mistakes is a natural part of being human
Life’s imperfect journey will get uncomfortable from time to time, but understanding that mistakes are simply part of being human creates a foundation for a mindset of resilience and a willingness to take risks. Teaching kids about the significance of failure can help them develop a stronger, healthier approach to life’s challenges. This is the most important gift from a parent to a child.
