By Elvenia Gray-Sandiford
In a world where love and acceptance are often tied to achievement and conforming to societal expectations, our children are paying a high price. From a young age, they learn that love can be given and withdrawn based on their performance, leading to a transactional understanding of affection. This concept, often referred to as “love currency”, has negative consequences that can extend well into adulthood.
Parents and caregivers, with the best intentions at heart, shower their children with love and affection, praise, and adoration, which serves as acceptance when they behave according to expectations. However, the dark side of this approach emerges when love is suddenly withdrawn as a result of a mistake or failure. Children internalize the idea that love is conditional, and they must constantly perform and conform to maintain it.
The ramifications of this transactional love are profound. Children grow up with a constant need to please others, fearing that their worth is contingent upon meeting external expectations. They become driven to carry themselves in a specific way, at times sacrificing their own well-being to live up to perceived standards. Authenticity takes a back seat, as they are trapped in a never-ending performance of who they believe others want them to be.
This constant pressure to perform comes at a great cost. Children who grow up under the shadow of transactional love often struggle with self-esteem, anxiety, and depression. They may develop a distorted sense of self-worth, constantly seeking validation from others instead of finding it within themselves. These individuals may find it difficult to form meaningful connections and maintain healthy relationships, as they fear that revealing their true selves will result in rejection and loss of love.
The implications of love currency are far-reaching. Society, too, bears the burden of this transactional approach to love. As children grow into adults, the pursuit of external validation and success at any cost becomes deeply ingrained. Our communities have become populated by individuals who prioritize achievements over well-being, perpetuating a cycle of stress, burnout, and disconnection.
It is crucial for parents, caregivers, and society at large to reevaluate our approach to love and acceptance. We must foster an environment where love is not a commodity but an unconditional expression of care and support. Emphasizing the importance of authenticity and self-worth will allow children to grow into individuals who are comfortable in their own skin and capable of forming genuine relationships based on mutual respect.
It is time to break free from the chains of transactional love. By nurturing our children’s true selves and encouraging them to embrace their uniqueness, we can lay the foundation for a society that values well-being, compassion, and genuine connections. Let us invest in the currency of love that knows no bounds and reaps immeasurable rewards for generations to come.
editorial@accjournal.ca
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