By Elvenia Gray-Sandiford
Dealing with the loss of a loved one is a difficult and deeply personal experience that everyone will face at some point in their life.
As a lifelong learner of family science and sociology, I have been studying, discussing, and writing about death, loss, and grieving over the past three weeks. It so happens that this time of year is particularly poignant for me, because I lost my mother during Easter and my husband just a few months later, around Christmas time a few years ago. I also lost my eldest sister — the matriarch of my family — in May. My late husband’s birthday was at the end of March, and mine is in the first week of April. The last conversation I had with my mother was on my birthday, and she struggled to tell me “Happy birthday” before passing away in the early hours of the next morning.
I grieved my mother’s passing, but it was easier to justify given her age. The death of my husband, however, completely changed life for me in ways I never imagined. Some people believe that since he was ill for a while, I should have been prepared for his passing. The two weeks between our birthdays I find especially challenging, and people’s unsympathetic response only added to my pain.
Despite the difficulties of loss, I have found hope and strength in the work of scholars like Froma Walsh, whose model on family resilience highlights the six areas of support needed to help individuals and families cope with loss. Walsh’s model emphasizes the importance of social support, communication, problem-solving skills, coping strategies, spirituality, and positive outlooks.
Emotional support can be helpful for someone feeling overwhelmed or alone, and practical support can include running errands, cooking meals, or helping with childcare. Informational support can include providing resources for counseling or therapy, advice on how to cope with specific challenges, or providing information about the grieving process, while instrumental support can include financial assistance or help with legal or administrative tasks related to the loss. Social companionship can involve spending time together, such as going for walks, sharing a meal, or participating in activities.
One of the most important aspects of dealing with loss is recognizing that grieving is a personal journey, and everyone copes with loss differently. Some people find comfort in reaching out to trusted friends or family members for support, while others may benefit from seeking professional help from a therapist or grief counselor.
It is essential to take the time to process your emotions and give yourself space to heal. Grief is a natural and necessary process, one which demands time for individuals to heal. There is no timeline for how long it takes to grieve, and everyone’s experience will be different. Finding ways to cope with loss, and seeking support, can make the journey easier.
In my experience, the loss of someone we love never truly goes away. We learn to live with the pain and find ways to cope with it. By recognizing the importance of social support and coping strategies, we can find hope and strength in our grief, and help others do the same.
editorial@accjournal.ca
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