This open letter comes during Mental Health Awareness Month. It is to all parents, educators, policymakers, and everyone who is concerned for the future generation, to ask them to stop pathologizing teens for what may be normal responses to abnormal stress, and start listening before their silence becomes permanent.
Teenagers may appear to have it all together. They post, they pose, they scroll. But behind their phone screens, many silently bear the weight of anxiety, academic stress, body image issues, feelings of social isolation, identity challenges, and an overwhelming sense of not being enough.
This is a mental health crisis.
We cannot address this by labelling every sign of distress as problematic, or branding teens as “difficult,” “unmotivated,” or “overly emotional.” What they often communicate through their withdrawal, grunts, sharp comments, or missed responsibilities are indications of systems that have failed to adapt to their realities by not evolving to meet their needs.
Too often, we approach teen mental health as a checklist: Diagnosis. Medication. Referral. Discipline. We intervene late, reactively, and sometimes with more concern for behaviour management than for emotional truth.
Meanwhile, teens are asking for something far simpler and harder for adults to offer in our fast-paced, fix-it culture: presence without judgment. When we listen without trying to solve or validate instead of dismissing, we create the safety that teens need to say the words we all fear and long to hear: “I need help.” And that’s when healing begins.
Checking in only after warning signs appear is often too late. By then, many young people have learned to hide their pain behind smiles, silence, grunts, or sarcasm. Instead, make space for real conversation by asking questions that go beneath the surface: “What’s been going on with you lately?” “What’s something that’s going well for you, and what’s been the hardest part of your week?” “When do you feel seen and supported?”
Allow your questions to act as an invitation instead of an interrogation. Trust begins when you actively listen.
Teens aren't broken. They are on a challenging journey of “becoming,” with much pressure and expectations. I recently asked a group of teenagers what they wished adults understood about them. Here is what they said:
"I feel like I’m supposed to be perfect, and it’s exhausting."
"Social media makes me feel connected but completely alone at the same time."
"I’m not trying to be rude. I don’t know how to talk when I’m overwhelmed."
"Please stop telling me others have it worse. It doesn’t make me feel better."
During this Mental Health Awareness Week, let’s be deliberate in how we engage with the young individuals we meet. As caregivers, educators, coaches, and even neighbours, we all play a role in helping teenagers feel seen and supported.
Let’s put down our assumptions and pick up curiosity. Let’s stop asking teenagers to act like adults while denying them the emotional space to grow into one. We don’t need to fix our teenagers. We need to listen, understand, and stand with them.
Sincerely, Elvenia Gray-Sandiford, Community Mental Health Advocate/Family Life Educator
#MentalHealthAwarenessWeek #TeenMentalHealth #Seethewholeperson #ItsOkayToNotBeOkay #ListenToUnderstand
